Do you love your husband?

If you’re like me, you’re thinking, uh, yeah, Megan.  Of course I love my husband.

So you sent him off to work this morning with a sweet kiss and a lovingly prepared homemade lunch.  So you sent him an e-mail letting him know you’re thinking of him.  So you did his laundry and rolled his clean underwear burrito-style, instead of folding them neatly like a sane person would do … because that’s the way he likes it.

Okay, so far, so good.  But how about this…

Do you respect your husband?

In the book For Women Only, Shaunti Feldhahn surveyed men to find out the inner workings of the male mind.  And here’s what she found.  If forced to choose between feeling unloved and feeling disrespected, three out of four men would rather feel unloved than disrespected.

Did you get that, dear one?  Your man would rather know that you respect him than know that you love him.

I cringe as I write this.  Because although I do a pretty good job of showing my husband I love him, I know that I sometimes fall short in the respect department.

See, I respect my husband immensely.  He’s the strongest, smartest, most capable (not to mention dreamiest) man I know.  But sometimes I make comments that unintentionally convey otherwise.

Here’s a recent example.  At some point during the annoyingly long power outage that we recently endured, I made an off-handed comment.

“I’d feel so much better about this whole power outage thing if we had family close by.”

I had no idea at the time, but my words hurt my dear husband.

My female brain was totally confused by this.  I didn’t mean anything by it!  I just meant that it would be nice to be able to stay with relatives who might have power or a back-up generator! 

He later explained to me that my words implied a lack of trust.  It seemed like I was doubting his ability to take care of our family in a crisis.  He felt disrespected, and it stung.

“The wife must respect her husband.” (Ephesians 5:33b)

Yep, the Bible couldn’t be more clear about this one.

Here are three simple ways that we, as wives, can actively respect our husbands:

• Submit to him (Ephesians 5:22).  In the big things, in the little things, submit to his leadership and honor his decisions.  Is this easy?  No.  But it is God’s way, and you may have figured out by now that God’s ways usually require His help.  Ask Him for help in submitting to your husband.  It’s a prayer that He’s sure to answer.
• Encourage, don’t criticize (Proverbs 25:24).  Look for opportunities to praise your husband.  Does he take out the trash every day?  Tell him how much you appreciate it.  And if there’s something you’d like for him to change, do not give in to the temptation to criticize him.  Instead, take it to the Lord and ask the Holy Spirit to motivate your man in this area.  (Courtney over at Women Living Well has some great thoughts on how to communicate your needs to your husband in a respectful way.)
• Trust him.  Your husband wants to know you think he’s The Man.  He wants to be your knight in shining armor, the strong one who can fix every problem and conquer every obstacle.

Today, when you would normally tell your husband you love him, say “I respect you,” instead.  Watch his eyes light up.

God bless,
Megan

We all have the occasional bad day.  When you’re husband is grumpy, how do you respond? Have you ever met his anger with some “righteous” anger of your own?  Do you sometimes return a snippy comment with a backbiting remark?

Our sinful human nature will lead us to retaliate when we’re sinned against.  But God calls us to something different, something higher.

“Love … is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.” (1 Corinthians 13: 5b)

I recently had an opportunity to practice this kind of love with my husband, and I’m sorry to say, I failed pretty miserably.

We were having one of those days.  Our 18-month old son had kept us up for most of the night (thank you, teething), and we were both completely exhausted.  We were short on patience and easily irritated.

Every time my husband said something that rubbed me the wrong way, instead of practicing Christlike love, I responded in anger and resentment.

The bad vibes escalated, and when I went to bed that night, I just felt … wrong.  My head was pounding, I slept fitfully, and I woke up the next day feeling terrible (and thinking, so this is why the Bible tells us not to let the sun go down on our anger).

And do you know what I woke up to that morning?  Love notes.  Little pink love notes sprinkled all over the house in the places Mister knew I’d find them.  My purse, the inside of my closet, above Little Man’s changing table.  Everywhere I looked, there were these beautiful reminders of my husband’s love for me and his grace toward me.

I know … he really is that awesome. 

“Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.” (Colossians 3:13)

So today, dear mama, if you feel that your husband has sinned against you, I want to encourage you with this.  Go to Jesus with your hurt feelings and pray for the power to forgive and respond with kindness.  You will sow righteousness into your marriage and will reap a blessing on your home.

God bless,
Megan